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| 1. Rookie Rashard
As I sit on my stoop pondering the meaning of life, I am pouring out my 40 oz. of malt liquor in memory of another fallen brother. Too soon. Too soon. That's right, y'all, Rookie Rashard was no more to be seen. The TNB shenanigans got to him. Which included:
- constant text messages and emails from Victor Lim promising to thrash him in HORSE;
- hard fouls on drives to the hoop by Rasual Butler/Chuck Person;
- semi-illegal moving screens by DeShawn Stevenson; and
- continual trash talking and ball-busting.
Still haven't decided on an NBA comp for Jason Gwak so let me know if you've got something. Early leaders are Kyle Lowry or Jamaal Tinsley. Boy is thick and likes the contact.
2. TNB calls
I know this is an organic thing and we don't really have any guidelines. But this tit for tat thing with calls is starting to get out of hand. That's right I wrote the word "tit" without even including a reference to a shirtless Asian Artest. Anyway, barring any objection, I think we need to have one person who is not playing in the game be the ultimate decision-maker when a call is made, but is being vigorously contested. If there is a dispute on the floor, then the decision-maker makes a ruling and the game continues. If you want to continue whining about the call either way then go call the WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmbulance on your own time.
To be honest, I think most of us don't care what the IHSA, NCAA or NBA rules say. Let's just move on. I mean it's not like we enforce backcourt violations, 3 second lane violations, over-the-backs, etc.
3. Game Observations
As usual the first game of the night was top shelf. I think the teams were something like: Commish, BG, Artest, Okafor, theWorm v. KLowry, CButler, McDyess/Okur, BRoy/TPrince, Rasual (?). Commish's team was down 13-9. Then suddenly and without warning, like a thief in the night, Ahjuhsshi pride & heem took over. 4 consecutive stops and scores. Eventually 14-14. BRoy's team misses, Commish scurries down the floor on a semi-fast break. BG takes a hand-off 17 feet out. Pull-up, the ball floats in the air a la JNoah's sidespin hurricane shot and splashes softly through the net. Game. Winner- Ahjuhsshi pride & heem. Again.
BG's squads went 3 wins, 2 losses for the night.
One of those losses came in the rematch game of the first night where CButler took BG into post and abused him with his full repertoire of spins and curls reminiscent of 'Melo.
What else did I see?
- Artest's patented spinning bank shots were not dropping as much as we're accustomed;
- Timmy grabbed a couple crazy offensive ballboards jumping over 2 and 3 people at a time;
- McDyess had at least a half dozen blocks before finally morphing into Okur once his bars of energy dwindled;
- BRoy took his time, but finally started taking over the last couple of games, just sizing up his defender, dribbling, dribbling, ignoring open teammates on the wing and hitting dagger jumpers or finishing at the rim. Impressive.
- KLowry played tough, hardnosed defense all night.
- MBarnes owned Anthony Carter with post-ups and turnaround Js.
- TuffJuice JSalmons started hitting long Js from the top of the key late.
- The Commish had it in overdrive all night. Willing teammates to victory with the intensity of a serial killer.
- WallyWorld came back down to earth from Horn-y status. Although I'm going to miss saying and writing the nickname.
- 15 guys is the perfect number for TNB.
Ball Don't Lie. Next week.
-BG
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| In the words of the immortal Ron Burgundy. "You may not know this, but I'm kind of a big deal around here." Here are some quick hits. Rather than have any unifying theme, I'm just going to spray to all fields with bullet points. I haven't written in a while and I have thoughts my friends, I have thoughts. So here we go.
- In my defense- I mentioned that I might be out with a sprained wrist. Still on the mend.
- It was kind of shady to put the recap burden on Rookie Rashard. I mean I give him credit for the effort, but he lacks the knowledge of the deep & rich history of AFC/Harvest bball. It's like trying to understand the NT, without reading the OT.
- Why does it make me feel good that PYoon had an off shooting night. Does that make me a bad person? That's okay, go get 'em next time, . . . Horn - y - sekkk.
- Can't really get a sense of what happened last night, except that Hamin used up all of his energy owning DJ Jazzy Jeff, then coasted for the rest of the night. At our age, I feel like we go into the night with like 20 bars of energy- i.e. Street Fighter. And with every ensuing drive, difficult shot, rebound, steal, deflection you lose a bar of energy. If you blow it all on the first game, then you blow it all in the first game. That's my excuse for lazy defense and not making my layups.
- Cavs/Celts last night. Let's see- who could have predicted this? LeBron goes off. Shaq misses 2 crucial freethows in the last 2 minutes. No one else but LeBron can create his own shot. Parker's not cold-blooded enough to hit key shots (he missed 2 huge corner 3's and on another the pass from LeBron the ball went right through his hands and out-of-bounds). And lastly, but most importantly- Celts up 4, Pierce with the ball out top, Garnett comes up to set a high screen. Switch on defense means Shaq's 25 ft away from the basket trying to contain Pierce. Pierce crosses Shaq over then pulls from 15 ft. out for the dagger. Game over. Geez, who could have predicted this. What genius? Oh, that's right, . . . I did. You hear me Shakes? You hear me? Every team will bring Shaq's man to set a high screen. He is a statue. This is going to end badly. LeBron's good enough to win them 60+ games again, but the smart teams will pick & roll them to death- i.e. Spurs, Lakers, Orlando & Celts. Cavs relied way too much on Anthony Parker. And why did they bother to sign Jamario Moon. He can't shoot, he's a slashing 3, who can't dribble or shoot? You would have been better off picking up any of these guys- Rasheed, MDaniels, R. Andersen, BBass, VC, Rasual Butler, Matt Barnes. All of whom you can run pick & rolls with or can create their own shots. All Jamario can do is fill the lane on fast breaks. Bad, bad decision. On top of the terrible one to get a post-mortem Shaq. I CAN NOT USE ENOUGH CAPS TO EMPHASIZE HOW ATROCIOUSLY STUPID IT WAS TO GRAB SHAQ, PLEE. Look at the Cavs subs- Boobie, Hickson, Jamario, Darnell Jackson, Danny Green.
- NBA TV is free for the first week of the season.
- Cannot wait for the Bulls/Spurs game tomorrow. But the thought of TParker or G.Hill being guarded by Pargo or Hunter makes me queasy. I think Rose only plays 20-25 minutes.
- Back to Cavs- More Shaq, means less Varejao. Varejao isn't exactly an offensive force. But he plays hard-nosed defense, flies around for loose balls and extends possessions by grabbing offensive boards or tip-outs. Basically everything that Shaq stopped doing 6 years ago. Would you rather have Shaq out there than Andy Varejao? I say no. Remember when MJ & Pippen had Horace, then Rodman. You just needed Horace and Rodman to do what they do. Any scoring was a welcome bonus. B/c you have a force of nature like LeBron, you need guys like Varejao out there to do all the dirty work. Set semi-illegal screens. Get under the skin of opposing bigs. Grab loose balls. Rebound. Play help-side defense. And finish on dish-offs. The perfect scenario would have Shaq provide inside scoring in the first half, then let Varejao finish games. You think Shaq will be happy playing second fiddle to Varejao when he wasn't happy playing second fiddle to Penny, Kobe or DWade? Hell No. I would rather have Joakim Noah or Varejao over Shaq any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
- HBC open gym Sundays start 11/15, 6pm. Then winter league starts in December. Games are Saturday mornings.
- Larry Hughes went 1 for 23 this preseason.
- My NBA comps v.4.0
Name- NBA Comp- current Nickname- [suggested nickname]
Jason Cho- Radmonivic/Rasual Butler- the Rifleman
Young- JJBarea/Jameer-
Navata- Chauncey- Vegas
Steve- Devin Harris/Nash- the Commish
Billy- Jerryd Bayless/Gil Arenas- Korean Jew- [Victor]
Peter- Rodney Stuckey- Shakes-[Shimmy]
Tom- Ben Gordon- T1000-[Master]
Jim- DeShawn Stevenson
Joe- Caron Butler- JoeBerg- [Job2.0]
Mark- John Salmons- ?-[TuffJuice]
Ed- Ron Artest- Asian Artest- [Asian Hammer]
Sammy- BRoy-Plasticman
Dan- Leon Powe- Running Shoes Dan
Tom Lee- Kwame Brown/LaMarcus Aldridge- BW3 Tommy
Hamin- OMiller/McDyess/Garnett- Lion-O / 2Bills
Tim- Kenyon Martin- TBone- [Timbo Slice]
JoeJun- Ike Diogu-
James- Craig Smith- Monster
PYoon- Szerbiak/Hornacek- Horny/Horn-y-sekkk
Dave- Udonis
Silas- Chucky Atkins
Eugene- Kelenna Azubuike/Luc Mbah Moute- Euge
DJ- Rashard- Rookie Rashard/DJ Jazzy Jeff
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| GATEKEEPERS
So we all know that Tuesday night ball at Harvest is a precious thing. So precious, in fact, that there are at least a half dozen unofficial gatekeepers manning the entrance to these hallowed halls. Access to the gym is by invitation only. Much like a rich man trying to get into heaven - i.e. "easier for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven"- That's right foolio, I read my Bible.
Or in more contemporary terms- you'd have a better chance of getting EazyE to pay for a meal than getting admission into the AFC gym. Ouch!
If you are privileged enough to play at Harvest then you are either:
- a current member of Harvest,
- former member of Harvest,
- grandfathered in for having played regularly years ago,
- tight with one of the gatekeepers,
- or in my circumstance, threatened to kill one of the gatekeepers with my bare hands after he hit 4 shots in my eye and started trash-talking about how AFC was "MY HOUSE!"
*****TANGENT ALERT*****
However, finally after 17 years, JJ Barea led opening prayer last night & openly repented and now proclaims AFC/Harvest as "GOD'S HOUSE!" I would have shed a single tear if not for me jabbing a pen into my kidney to prevent any outpouring of emotion. That's how I roll, my friends. And yes- that's at least the 18th reference to my near cagefight with YLEE circa 1992. I like to think of it fondly like the story of Jesus clearing the tables of the moneylenders at the temple in righteous indignation- except exactly the opposite.
THE NEWBIE
So all that to say- it's very unusual for anyone new to be allowed to play at AFC. So much so, that when DJ walked in yesterday- SNash went to the utility closet to grab his mohndenghi/whooping stick to prepare to give the trespasser a beat down. Fortunately, TBone vouched for DJ as legitimately looking for a home church in the area.
Since DJ doesn't have the benefit of knowing the full, storied history of Fellowship Ball, I thought it would be prudent to indoctrinate him into some of the unofficial Tuesday night rules that have developed along the way.
THE RULES
- Respect the call, but you better not call it late or you will be booed mercilessly.
- No "and 1s".
- 1st game to 15, otherwise games to 11, unless there's more than a 1 game wait- then games to 9, unless there's a 2 game wait- then games to 7.
- 1st game matchups are decided by the highly scientific method of rock-scissors-paper.
- If the matchups are grossly uneven, then a player may propose a trade(s) to even-out the squads or completely reshuffle the rosters via rock-scissors-paper. Although, much props is given to the perceived lesser squad if they man-up and just play. If that squad ends up winning that game, then they are rockstars for the night. But as the Commish said to T-Bone, there's pride and there's just plain stupid- which by the way totally gave TBone a stomach punch (he's a respect me- failure layer).
- Charges, moving screens, over the backs, et al. are self-policed and are largely uncalled unless just outright egregious.
- If the new challenging team doesn't have 5 players, then players from the next waiting team may shoot free-throws to jump onto the challenging squad. First come- first serve to the free throw line- however, good luck on jumping ahead of Nocioni/Artest. Easy E's sprint to the free throw line is the fastest thing I've seen this side of PLee finishing off consecutive chocolate cake shakes at Portillo's.
- Shots which hit the overhanging HVAC system will trigger a change of possession.
- Throwing/kicking the ball against the wall, rafters or HVAC system are borderline grounds for banishment- unless your name is Billy "I demand you call me Elijah or AgentZero Lim" and you have anger management issues due to the overwhelming stress of an upcoming marriage.
- After a made basket, the team going on offense shall inbound the ball. Unless your name is SCho, then you can throw the ball off the wall and inbound to yourself.
- Unnecessarily hard fouls are frowned upon, unless you inflict the foul on Ed Ku- those fouls will draw cheers from the crowd.
- Getting cross-overed by Billy means he likes you.
- Getting cross-overed by PLee means you need to work on your lateral quickness.
- I don't care how ripped you think you are, keep your friggin' shirt on while playing in the gym for heaven's sake. This is the house of God, remember. Ed is the only exemption, due to the fact that he has to regularly take off his shirt to prevent his chaffed nipples from bleeding through his shirt.
I'm sure I've left out a hundred more, but if I spend much more time on this email, I'm likely to be fired.
THE RECAPS
The morning after Tuesday night ball I will usually send out a recap email with pithy comments and observations on the previous night's festivities. I will often:
- refer to people only by their given nicknames;
- draw NBA comparions;
- revise the history of prior games to put TDog in the most positive light;
- make fun of everyone and their mommas;
- outright copy Bill Simmons thoughts, analogies and verbiage, without apology.
If you want to respond to the Recaps, just reply all. However, don't post something inane, insulting, or disparaging. No inappropriate language, cursing, etc.
Don't have time to recap all of last night, all I remember is that:
- Newbie hit 7 jumpers in a row from distance on Caron Butler and when we were on the sidelines trying to come up with an NBA comp for DJ and finally agreed upon Rashard, Sczerbiak as he's running back on defense yells out to us- " I called Rashard like 30 minutes ago! You need to credit me for that reference!" Which led me to make the following observations from the sidelines, (1) I'm still giving Young credit for the Rashard reference. And (2) why is Sczerbiak more concerned about getting props for the Rashard reference in the middle of the game he is playing in, than he is about actually trying to defend his man? ?/?/?TJUJT@JGKRo3i3kalkj!@!!!!!!!
- Running shoes Dan finally may have to give up his namesake and actually buy Bball shoes after having to leave early to tend to his severely sprained ankle. BTW PYoon tried to take credit for breaking Dan's ankles after Dan left. Settle down PYoon, settle down.
- TDog came out ahead for once (usually break even in wins/losses for the night). 3wins, 3 losses. But I had a crazy block on the Rifleman's jumper which led me to recover the ball (i.e. Hakeem) then dribble the ball up the floor and convert on the pull-up jumper off the fastbreak. I'm averaging 1 block per Tuesday, y'all. Which is one more than PLee- yeeehaw.
- The last thing Timmy said to me last night was, "Tom, make sure you write something good about me tomorrow." So here goes- Timmy looked good setting up for the initial screen a la the motion offense, but then would spend the rest of the possession just waiting under the basket ready to outjump his defender for the board and putback. Much like Bruce Banner, once Timmy got mad, he started playing like a madman, grabbing every loose ball and rebound within an 8 feet radius- literally jumping over and around people to grab ballboards. Impressive, if not for the fact, that he has yet to own a pair of decent bball shoes since the Reebok omnizones (think Dee Brown in the dunk contest circa 1990). Wearing running shoes to ball in just ain't gonna work, tohng-seng.
- At postgame FnH- Billy tried to clown me by saying that I gave him the wrong information about the significance of the 100-day and 1 year birthday in Korea. Saying I didn't know anything about Korean culture. Then he immediately demanded that Timmy call him his OPPA, until I pointed out that the correct term between males is HYUNG. I thought Billy was a FOB. Shouldn't he know this. And why is the biggest mexican twinkie in the room, the one pointing this out to him. Strange.
If you need more recaps then just go to the archives. Click on this link to check out previous Recap posts: tomsung22
IN CONCLUSION
To the newbie. We hope God leads you to a church where you can grow and serve. If that place is Harvest (f/k/a AFC a/k/a Fellowship), great- welcome. If that place is somewhere else- cool and-
"You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
And as always- BALL DON'T LIE, SON.
-babyBG | | |
| Observations:
Mark- Salmons played 2 games, then left the gym around 8pm before Silas even showed up. Soon after, people started wiping out on some unknown substances oozing about on the edges of the court.
Steve- Played the first couple of games content laying in the weeds and promoting ball movement- which ended up in some tough losses. But then decided to kick it into Kobe Black Mamba gear by barreling into the paint, pulling up from distance, kicking people in the head, mashing into all who dare try to slow him. I heard Young yell out, "Geeez, Louise!" after taking a shoulder to the chest. I don't think Steve loss a game after that.
Hamin- The only other big with size last night was BW3 Tommy. So that left RunningShoes, Jason or Sammy having to try and guard him most the night. When he wasn't jumping over people for offensive boards or swooping in from the weakside for blocks, you could find 2Bills at the elbow unleashing a parade of no-arc jumpers hitting nothing but the bottom of the net.
NoShowTimmy- Woulda' been nice to have "T-Bone"Kim to balance out the squads, but looks like the wife wanted to make sure he knew who wears the pants in his house and put him on lockdown. 3 straight weeks of ball would have shifted the balance of power too much in his favor. Be strong TBone. Be strong.
Sammy- BRoy did his thing. Pulling up for ugly lefty jumpers. Dancing dribbles to set up crossovers and forays into the paint. Somewhat stymied by the slow-footed, yet extremely effective defense of Lion-O-Cho.
Tom- Per usual, broke even. Went 3 wins, 3 losses. To conserve the balky back, I decided to pace myself and be more of a facilitator. But that led to no less than 578 dropped passes and missed open shots by PYoon, Euge, DaveKim, RunningSHoes & the artist formerly known as Chester. At one point, Hamin turns to me and was like,"BG, I will choke you to the ground if you keep passing up shots." So, eventually when I teamed up with Nash I just started launching again. Oh, well.
PYoon- Finally think I got the right comp. PYoon is the lovechild of Wally Szcerbiak (sic) & Aaron McKie. Nothing else needs to be said here.
YLee- Picked his spots to toss his behind the head side-spinning jumpers that end up nestling at the bottom of the net or hitting back iron. Also had a couple of nifty patented drives going right to left where Barea somehow avoids the outstretched arms of his defender to bank it in high off the glass. Only counts as one point, but somehow feels like 3.
RunningShoesDan- Did a very underrated job on Hamin & Tommy considering the height differential. Ended up short on a lot of his early jumpers in the post, but eventually started finishing at a good rate. Someone pointed out that the heel of his Asics running shoe is torn and flapping about. Dan said that Tommy will owe him a new pair of bball shoes after he beats him in their next one-on-one best of 7 sumo wrestling in our bahnse tourney. I would take that bet, I think he's a 4-3 favorite. Tommy has the size advantage, but I think Dan has more of that UFC inner rage going for him.
BW3Tommy- We are living in the end times my friends. How do I know this. Wait for it. . . Former roommates Dan & Tommy showed up at AFC on the same night for ball. Heaven help us! Great OOOGGGLLLY MOOOOOGGGLLLY.
Eugene- Took more shots than usual. Stormed the boards and played aggressive defense. I'm gonna' go with Dahntay Jones.
PLee- Sweaty.
Jimmy- Very aggressive. Looking for his shot. Driving into the paint, drawing contact and usually finishing. Best Jimmy's played in months. Kinda' played like J.R. Smith actually.
Jason- The Rifleman. James Posey.
DaveKim- Someone forward these emails to Dave or get me his email. I don't have it. Dave did what he always does. Homeless man's Al Horford = Taj Gibson.
Silas- Score at 10 all. MiniBG drives hard right, too many help defenders, dribbles through the lane (i.e. Nash) throws a bullet bounce pass (amongst 4 defenders) back to the right elbow (despite what you think, I did see him) to a wide open Silas who . . . sets his feet . . . hoists . . . and . . . the ball . . . is still on its way up . . . and . . . SPLASH.
Next week- Ball Don't Lie.
-TDAWG. | | |
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